I Quit Drinking and Realized I'm an Introvert

If you’re thinking about taking a break from drinking, or even considering quitting alcohol all together, I’m sure there are positive changes you expect to happen.

Such as... having more energy and better sleep, losing a few extra pounds, or even seeing improvements to your relationships. You will likely experience those amazing benefits more… but you also may discover some changes that seriously surprise you.

Like what?

You may discover your personality type is wildly different than you thought!

One of the biggest unexpected discoveries I’ve made since I quit drinking is that I am actually more of an introvert than an extrovert.

Wait, what? Crazy, I know!

But first, let’s take a moment to understand what these words mean.

My favorite explanation of each personality type is that extroverts are energized by being around people. Introverts, on the other hand, are energized by spending time alone. This means introverts require more alone time to adequately recharge their social battery. 

Here are the official definitions from Dictionary.com:

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Introvert: a person who prefers calm environments, limits social engagement, or embraces a greater than average preference for solitude.

1. Psychology. a person characterized by concern primarily with their own thoughts and feelings.
   
   

Extrovert: an outgoing, gregarious person who thrives in dynamic environments and seeks to maximize social engagement.

1. Psychology. a person characterized by extroversion; a person concerned primarily with the physical and social environment.

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Now let’s talk about these personality types in the context of drinking culture.

Many Americans experiment with alcohol in high school, and then start drinking socially in college. Therefore, it is quite common for introverts to discover alcohol during this period of their life, and hang on tightly to it as a social lubricant for many years to come.

I felt socially awkward in middle school and high school. But then, college and drinking went hand in hand. I went to a party school in San Diego, and everyone drank A LOT.

Alcohol made me feel confident in a way I never had before, like a butterfly spreading its wings. I was proud of the fact that I could talk for hours to anyone about anything.. as long as the drinks were flowing. And the drinks usually ARE flowing in social settings, aren’t they? It’s not like I was sneaking around with a flask, I was just doing what everyone else was doing.

For the next 15 years I would hold on tightly to the belief that alcohol was a magic elixir that made me the life of the party. I actually believed that the version of myself I became after a few drinks was the real me. I thought I just needed a little help loosening up!

Since Freshman year of college until last year, I believed I was an extrovert. And I loved carrying this identity, because I admire and gravitate towards charismatic, confident people. You know, the kind of person who lights up a room with their presence.

But I was getting it wrong in a major way…

The confidence you feel when you’re drinking isn’t real. Alcohol causes chemical changes in your brain that creates that calm and carefree feeling. Add in the dopamine spike, and of course you’re going to feel GREAT doing pretty much anything. So of course, that includes socializing. 

The type of person I mentioned before, the kind that I said I admire… that’s not an extrovert, that’s a person with true confidence.

True confidence comes from being comfortable in your own skin. It comes from liking your own decisions so much that you don’t care what others think of them. It comes from living in alignment with your values, and showing up each day as your favorite self.

Let’s face it — drunk people don’t light up a room with their presence, they only think they do. We have all been around someone who tied one on and thought they were the most charming, hilarious person on the planet. When in reality, everyone was wishing they would go home and put themself to bed.

It was not until I removed alcohol from my life completely that I noticed a huge shift in myself in social situations. What kind of shift?

I have no interest in making small talk with strangers, especially someone I’ll never see again. (What’s the point?)

I now find large groups of people exhausting, for the most part. (Pilates class is different!)

I used to joke that I was a “chronic over-sharer” and blame it on my ADHD. Now I am much more interested in listening and don’t have much interest in talking about myself, unless it’s with someone I’m already very close with, or someone I want to get to know better.

I no longer make fake best friends for the evening with the other big drinkers at the party. 

My social battery is quite tiny; I don’t have more than a couple hours in me before I need a break and some alone time to recharge.

I love spending time alone, which these days looks like.. writing this blog, working on my new coaching business, gardening, playing the piano, reading and doing other activities by myself.

So there you have it. I’m an introvert.

This isn’t a bad thing. It just means I have to be intentional in carving out more alone time than I used to, and protect my social battery fiercely with boundaries. But the good news is, those things are much easier to do when you live a sober lifestyle.

Here’s the best part: Leaving drinking in my past has allowed me to be the type of person I admire. I am consistent, comfortable in my own skin, and living in alignment with my values. I show up each day as my favorite self.

So what if I’m an introvert?

Sobriety has given me the confidence that alcohol promised. And it’s as real as it gets. 💕

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Now I have a few questions for you to consider (or perhaps journal about..)

#1 Do you want to be the version of yourself that is fueled by true confidence or the help of a substance? What does each one look like for you?

#2 Which do you prefer: surface level instant “connections” or more meaningful long term ones? We all have a social battery that has a limit. Would you prefer to spend yours being the life of the party, or nurturing the relationships that matter to you? Think.. calling your parents, or scheduling a FaceTime date with a friend who lives far away. (2 things I have become much better at since I quit drinking!)

#3 In this season of your life, what type of person do you respect and admire? Who do you want to surround yourself with? Is it the friend who is always down to drink? Or the friend who will support you through something challenging, like a career change or a bad breakup? What does that person’s relationship with alcohol look like?

#4 What about celebrities and influencers… who do you look up to and why? Does their magnetic quality come from true confidence, or a substance?

#5 Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Have you taken a break from drinking, and noticed your true (sober) personality is very different from when you drank?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and answers to these questions in the comments section down below.

Rooting for you always,

Gretchen

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