Sobriety Takes Practice

I took so many breaks from alcohol and “failed” all of them. Or did I?

I attempted “Dry January” two or three times. Each time, I was triggered by something stressful halfway through, said “fuck it” and went and got a bottle of wine. The next day, I felt awful about myself for not having more will power, but I got back on the wagon and finished the remaining two weeks without a drink. “Damp January,” I called it. As a (recovering) perfectionist, I was not happy. I wanted to get it perfect.

But you know what? Even though I didn’t make it through the 31 consecutive alcohol-free days, each day I didn’t drink, I was practicing sobriety. I didn’t have this perspective at the time, but it makes so much sense now.

Were you good at riding a bike the first time you got on? No! I’m sure you fell and it hurt. Have you ever learned a musical instrument? I sucked when I started learning piano.. now I can play Beethoven and Mozart. How did I get there? Obviously… I practiced!

So… how does one practice sobriety?

• Every time I had dinner with a friend and ordered a Diet Coke instead of a Manhattan, I was practicing an alcohol-free lifestyle.

• Finishing a productive day of work and cracking an alcohol-free beer instead of pouring a glass of wine.. That was also practice.

• Bringing my own alcohol-removed sparkling wine to a friend’s birthday party, so it would be easier to pass on the rosé? Practice.
  

You see, like with anything else in life, the practice builds on itself. Each moment when you normally would drink, and choose not to drink, it counts. The practice does not go away the minute you break your sober streak.

This is not the mainstream way of thinking. We have accepted an antiquated narrative that when a person realizes they are an “alcoholic,” they should go to AA, work the steps, and never drink again. Um.. that sounds really hard!

Drinking is, after all, a habit that we taught ourselves by practicing hundreds, if not thousands of times. Becoming a drinker wasn’t a one time decision, so why are expected to quit that way?

I believe for most people who are changing their relationship with alcohol… and especially gray area drinkers, like I was… becoming alcohol free is not a one time decision, but rather a gradual transition that requires practice, practice, and more practice. 

Over time, I practiced sobriety every month, not just in January. Eventually all that practice paid off. I slowly but surely paved the way for myself to live completely alcohol-free. Like piano, or riding a bike, eventually not drinking became more natural to me than drinking. Now the thought of drinking alcohol doesn’t even cross my mind!

I finally got it perfect. It will be fun for me to say I’m doing Sober October this year.. with sober March, April, most of May, and all of June, July, August and September under my belt! 🥰

If you are stuck in the cycle of unhelpful drinking, you are not broken, you are not hopeless. You don’t have a disease. You just need to start practicing. There is no time like the present.

If you can only get through one day right now, that’s fine. I’ve been there! Practice not drinking again tomorrow.

Baby steps lead to strides and before you know it, you’ll have days, weeks and then months under your belt.

Rooting for you always,

🦋 Gretchen